Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Review: My Fresh Brewed Life
This is my first review for Booksneeze and I have to say I love this book!! Nicole Johnson is funny, refreshing, and timely in this book. She encourages her readers to take time out of their day and refocus on the things that are most important. She has a way with words that just connects me with her to the point that I feel like we are living some of the same situations. I have seen her at a women's conference and she was very moving in her skits. This book showcased her personality as well as her love for God and her love for helping women reach their potential.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
"For I know the plans I have for you...."
I have felt so dry lately. Not unhappy or anything, just like I needed to see God. Need to find true purpose. We were beginning to wonder if we really heard God when he told us to move to Spartanburg. They just closed 3 of Tony's stores this week and his job, for the first time EVER, seemed uncertain. Well, God always seems to show up at the perfect time!! Of course it's never when WE want Him to show Himself, but as always His perfect time.
Today in church we started a new sermon series called "Heroes." I was not that enthused. But God revealed Himself to me in a mighty way through the message. You see, I have always struggled with my "purpose." I have been through so many trials and always knew it had to be for a reason, but what, exactly? I am in school, as you all know, majoring in Special Education with a concentration on Learning and Emotional disabilities. Well, emotional disability is just a nice term for "the bad kids." These are the kids who were not born with a disability but have been a victim to their own personal circumstances. They have been abused, neglected, and scarred, and some tossed away. I really don't know if I am cut out to work with this type of child. I'm way too mean!! lol
But as I watched a short video clip and heard the message about "Godly Heroes", I was stirred in my spirit. I knew that this was a call from God and no coincidence that I chose this career path. It was chosen FOR me! Only by the grace of God did I not become a statistic. And this is why I have been through so much.
As it turns out, Tony, the kids, and I went to the monthly prayer service tonight for the very first time. There were only a couple dozen people there and it was your typical prayer service with a little praise and worship and then some prayer time for some specific issues. Still in my nice little comfort zone. UNTIL......our pastor asked our family, along with another family, to come to the front to be prayed for. We were to stand in as a representative of all the families with children in our church. What a responsibility!
It was a beautiful prayer and man I felt stirred up!! God is moving mightily! After the service, a man whom we do not know, came up to me and seemed a little uncomfortable. He said he had a word from God and he didn't know how to say it other than just to say it! This is what he said, filled with emotion: "Don't continue to doubt what God has planned for your son. Doubt has continued to creep in and when it does you need to push it out of your mind. God has a plan for his life. God will do more through him that you could ever have imagined. Don't doubt what God has planned for your son."
Oh.......my........Goodness!!!! Can you believe that? I could only weep!!! I finally got out the question "do you know Austin?" I thought maybe this man worked with the youth group and knew of Austin's disability. He said he did not but only knew what God wanted him to say to us. I couldn't even begin to tell him our story!
I continued to weep! You see, this is not the first time Austin has had a word spoken over his life!! Most of you know how the Enemy has tried, since before he was even born, to take him out of this world! I feel so unworthy to have been trusted with such a gift! But I will continue to treasure the gift! I will not doubt!
In 25 days Austin will celebrate his 13th birthday! I WILL BE THE MOTHER OF A TEENAGER!!!! But Austin, the feeble little 1 pound 10 ounce preemie, who was not supposed to live will be 13. The one the Dr said "was not even a baby yet", had a 10% chance of survival, and had a 75% chance (if he did somehow make it) to be blind, deaf, mentally retarded, have severe cerebral palsy, never walk, and never be in a normal classroom........is going to be 13!! What a miracle he is and what a testimony he has!! His minor issues are NOTHING we can't handle!! Still, to this day, 24 weeks is usually considered the earliest gestational age for viability. This was 13 years ago!
God is Good!!! All the time! I will wrap this up by saying that no matter what you're facing or doubting...God is able! He will show up when you need Him the most! He has plans for you! Don't doubt God's purpose for your life!! You are here for a reason! He says so in His word!!
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11
DON'T DOUBT!!!!!!
Today in church we started a new sermon series called "Heroes." I was not that enthused. But God revealed Himself to me in a mighty way through the message. You see, I have always struggled with my "purpose." I have been through so many trials and always knew it had to be for a reason, but what, exactly? I am in school, as you all know, majoring in Special Education with a concentration on Learning and Emotional disabilities. Well, emotional disability is just a nice term for "the bad kids." These are the kids who were not born with a disability but have been a victim to their own personal circumstances. They have been abused, neglected, and scarred, and some tossed away. I really don't know if I am cut out to work with this type of child. I'm way too mean!! lol
But as I watched a short video clip and heard the message about "Godly Heroes", I was stirred in my spirit. I knew that this was a call from God and no coincidence that I chose this career path. It was chosen FOR me! Only by the grace of God did I not become a statistic. And this is why I have been through so much.
As it turns out, Tony, the kids, and I went to the monthly prayer service tonight for the very first time. There were only a couple dozen people there and it was your typical prayer service with a little praise and worship and then some prayer time for some specific issues. Still in my nice little comfort zone. UNTIL......our pastor asked our family, along with another family, to come to the front to be prayed for. We were to stand in as a representative of all the families with children in our church. What a responsibility!
It was a beautiful prayer and man I felt stirred up!! God is moving mightily! After the service, a man whom we do not know, came up to me and seemed a little uncomfortable. He said he had a word from God and he didn't know how to say it other than just to say it! This is what he said, filled with emotion: "Don't continue to doubt what God has planned for your son. Doubt has continued to creep in and when it does you need to push it out of your mind. God has a plan for his life. God will do more through him that you could ever have imagined. Don't doubt what God has planned for your son."
Oh.......my........Goodness!!!! Can you believe that? I could only weep!!! I finally got out the question "do you know Austin?" I thought maybe this man worked with the youth group and knew of Austin's disability. He said he did not but only knew what God wanted him to say to us. I couldn't even begin to tell him our story!
I continued to weep! You see, this is not the first time Austin has had a word spoken over his life!! Most of you know how the Enemy has tried, since before he was even born, to take him out of this world! I feel so unworthy to have been trusted with such a gift! But I will continue to treasure the gift! I will not doubt!
In 25 days Austin will celebrate his 13th birthday! I WILL BE THE MOTHER OF A TEENAGER!!!! But Austin, the feeble little 1 pound 10 ounce preemie, who was not supposed to live will be 13. The one the Dr said "was not even a baby yet", had a 10% chance of survival, and had a 75% chance (if he did somehow make it) to be blind, deaf, mentally retarded, have severe cerebral palsy, never walk, and never be in a normal classroom........is going to be 13!! What a miracle he is and what a testimony he has!! His minor issues are NOTHING we can't handle!! Still, to this day, 24 weeks is usually considered the earliest gestational age for viability. This was 13 years ago!
God is Good!!! All the time! I will wrap this up by saying that no matter what you're facing or doubting...God is able! He will show up when you need Him the most! He has plans for you! Don't doubt God's purpose for your life!! You are here for a reason! He says so in His word!!
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11
DON'T DOUBT!!!!!!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Sometimes a second chance is a chance worth taking...
Today is Saturday, August 14th, 2010. In two days I will be the mother of a 7th grader and a 4th grader. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!!?? In 17 days I will be a junior at Converse College!! My life seems to be speeding by!
I know it's corny, but as I sit here writing this blog, I am reminded of the Kenny Chesney song "Don't Blink." I feel like if I blink I will miss so much! This summer feels like it was just a day! I was in class for 8 of the 10 weeks my children were out of school. There were so many memories that could've been made during this time. I have a bad habit (as do most moms) of feeling guilty and beating myself up for taking any time to focus on myself. I want to show my children how to be a Godly responsible person who has a servants heart. I want to be the role model they deserve. I don't want them to look back on their childhood and think that I wasn't there for them.
But I can feel God whispering to me....He is telling me that this is His plan for my life. The things I am doing now will not take away from my children's upbringing, but enrich it!! I am showing them that you can attain success at any age as long as you do your best and put your mind to it. Don't get me wrong, I pray that my children do not take the long, hard road to success that I chose. I pray that they do well in school, get into a great college, graduate in 4 years, and maintain an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. But I am proud of the fact that I am showing them that I never gave up.
I am scheduled to graduate in May of 2012. I was supposed to graduate in 1999. I will be 35 years old, not 22. Austin will be starting high school, Ali will start middle school! I already feel sooo old as I sit in class but I thank God for this opportunity.
So, instead of being concerned about how old I am and how long it has taken me, I will choose to focus on the fact that I am DOING IT!! This is my second chance! The time will pass whether I continue my journey or not, so......I may as well do all that I can to make my life the best that it can be!! My children may not appreciate the next 4 semesters of me not being home as much, focusing more on my own homework instead of theirs, and having to rely on others to help pick them up from school. But I pray that one day they will appreciate the things I have sacrificed for them and that they will understand the value of an education. I pray that they will know what an inspiration they were to the path I am choosing because 15 years ago I would never have chosen to be a Special Education teacher!! But most of all I hope and pray that they look up to me, are proud of me, and learn from me. Learn about God, love, and choices. I want them to make good choices, right choices, Godly choices. It took me a while, but I am finally learning these life lessons. Hopefully I can help others learn them a little quicker!!
So, thank God. Thank God for your second chance. I am so glad He is the God of second chances. And third, and fourth, and fifth, and......you get the picture!
I know it's corny, but as I sit here writing this blog, I am reminded of the Kenny Chesney song "Don't Blink." I feel like if I blink I will miss so much! This summer feels like it was just a day! I was in class for 8 of the 10 weeks my children were out of school. There were so many memories that could've been made during this time. I have a bad habit (as do most moms) of feeling guilty and beating myself up for taking any time to focus on myself. I want to show my children how to be a Godly responsible person who has a servants heart. I want to be the role model they deserve. I don't want them to look back on their childhood and think that I wasn't there for them.
But I can feel God whispering to me....He is telling me that this is His plan for my life. The things I am doing now will not take away from my children's upbringing, but enrich it!! I am showing them that you can attain success at any age as long as you do your best and put your mind to it. Don't get me wrong, I pray that my children do not take the long, hard road to success that I chose. I pray that they do well in school, get into a great college, graduate in 4 years, and maintain an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. But I am proud of the fact that I am showing them that I never gave up.
I am scheduled to graduate in May of 2012. I was supposed to graduate in 1999. I will be 35 years old, not 22. Austin will be starting high school, Ali will start middle school! I already feel sooo old as I sit in class but I thank God for this opportunity.
So, instead of being concerned about how old I am and how long it has taken me, I will choose to focus on the fact that I am DOING IT!! This is my second chance! The time will pass whether I continue my journey or not, so......I may as well do all that I can to make my life the best that it can be!! My children may not appreciate the next 4 semesters of me not being home as much, focusing more on my own homework instead of theirs, and having to rely on others to help pick them up from school. But I pray that one day they will appreciate the things I have sacrificed for them and that they will understand the value of an education. I pray that they will know what an inspiration they were to the path I am choosing because 15 years ago I would never have chosen to be a Special Education teacher!! But most of all I hope and pray that they look up to me, are proud of me, and learn from me. Learn about God, love, and choices. I want them to make good choices, right choices, Godly choices. It took me a while, but I am finally learning these life lessons. Hopefully I can help others learn them a little quicker!!
So, thank God. Thank God for your second chance. I am so glad He is the God of second chances. And third, and fourth, and fifth, and......you get the picture!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Reverse Narcalepsy!!
Well, it's 3:24am and I am still up!! This is day number 2 of this craziness! For about the past weeks I have been up until about 3am but for the past two nights I have not gone to sleep at all. I am on my last week of a geology summer class that is very intense but I don't think that is the problem.
I have heard of people often having sleepless nights when God is stirring their spirit to either pray or write. I don't think this has ever happened to me....or am I just not making the connection. Of course there are plenty of things to be praying about (there always are) but I don't feel any specific tugging of the Holy spirit. I just feel....exhausted!!! Irritable, aggitated, fidgetty, just very uncomfortable.
I want to be the person (wife, mother, student, leader, friend, sister) that God has called me to be but I feel like I am in a slump right now.
In the past year I have made some incredible friendships and for the second time in my life I know what God wants me to do. The first time was in 1995, when above all odds, I was accepted to Converse College (my first choice)against all the academic and financial odds. He has shown me that my destiny IS Converse College. From the immediate acceptance and scholarship in 1995 to the sudden move to spartanburg in 2009. But in this process so far, I have lost some of the people closest to me. God brought some women into my life when I was feeling alone after leaving all my dear friends....my safety net....in Columbia. But in the past month he has taken those friends away!! In one month three very precious ladies have moved away and i feel like I am right back where I started. Don't get me wrong, I know my current situation is completely where God wants me. I just am having a little problem understanding why He would establish me with such a great support system and then rip it away!!
I know I am babbling, it is 3:30 am afterall, but Iguess I am just trying to figure out thes sleep problem. It, for the moment, is running my life. I know Christ is supposed to be the center of my life but right now i can think of nothing but sleep!
My prayer would be that God show me a purpose in all of this. If God wants me awake at night for the purpose of intersession then that is awesome! But I think I would not have ot take the ambien or klonipen before bed!! I could just stay awake without feeling goofy and truly seek the face of God. I know this blog probably makes no sense to any of you but it is more as a personal blog for myself. The thing I want most is to be the Woman of God that I know He wants me to be.
So, in closing I have one request of you. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AND MY INSOMNIA!! That wau, when I am healed of this problem, I can be more alert and discerning to be able to pray for you. In the way you need it!! Hopefully I won't have another night like this but please remember to let me know if there is anything you need prayer for. I want to hear the voice of God loud and clear and I think some prayers from some of you mighty intercessors just might make me be able to do that!!
Signing off for now....3:51am
I have heard of people often having sleepless nights when God is stirring their spirit to either pray or write. I don't think this has ever happened to me....or am I just not making the connection. Of course there are plenty of things to be praying about (there always are) but I don't feel any specific tugging of the Holy spirit. I just feel....exhausted!!! Irritable, aggitated, fidgetty, just very uncomfortable.
I want to be the person (wife, mother, student, leader, friend, sister) that God has called me to be but I feel like I am in a slump right now.
In the past year I have made some incredible friendships and for the second time in my life I know what God wants me to do. The first time was in 1995, when above all odds, I was accepted to Converse College (my first choice)against all the academic and financial odds. He has shown me that my destiny IS Converse College. From the immediate acceptance and scholarship in 1995 to the sudden move to spartanburg in 2009. But in this process so far, I have lost some of the people closest to me. God brought some women into my life when I was feeling alone after leaving all my dear friends....my safety net....in Columbia. But in the past month he has taken those friends away!! In one month three very precious ladies have moved away and i feel like I am right back where I started. Don't get me wrong, I know my current situation is completely where God wants me. I just am having a little problem understanding why He would establish me with such a great support system and then rip it away!!
I know I am babbling, it is 3:30 am afterall, but Iguess I am just trying to figure out thes sleep problem. It, for the moment, is running my life. I know Christ is supposed to be the center of my life but right now i can think of nothing but sleep!
My prayer would be that God show me a purpose in all of this. If God wants me awake at night for the purpose of intersession then that is awesome! But I think I would not have ot take the ambien or klonipen before bed!! I could just stay awake without feeling goofy and truly seek the face of God. I know this blog probably makes no sense to any of you but it is more as a personal blog for myself. The thing I want most is to be the Woman of God that I know He wants me to be.
So, in closing I have one request of you. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AND MY INSOMNIA!! That wau, when I am healed of this problem, I can be more alert and discerning to be able to pray for you. In the way you need it!! Hopefully I won't have another night like this but please remember to let me know if there is anything you need prayer for. I want to hear the voice of God loud and clear and I think some prayers from some of you mighty intercessors just might make me be able to do that!!
Signing off for now....3:51am
Monday, May 17, 2010
Full Circle and Second Chances
This time in 1995 I was preparing to graduate from Lexington High School and was excited and nervous about heading to Spartanburg to attend Converse College on Full scholarships!! That feeling was sooo undescribable so I won't even try. I have made several wrong turns in my life that have taken me off the path of promise that I know God set me on. But His grace is so sufficient!! You see, God doesn't make promises to take them away from you. Now, if we choose to walk away, that is a different story. When I look back over the past fifteen years I can clearly see him working in my life even when I couldn't see it at that particular moment. For 15 years I have made my husband feel as if he forced me into the decision to stay in Columbia and get married instead of relocating to Spartanburg. The truth is, I was scared. Scared of being abandoned and rejected. Scared of failure. Just scared. I think that all of my wrong decisions were made out of fear. What a waste of time I have spent to figure this one out!! I truly have come full circle!! I have tried many times to go back to college and was never quite happy with my decision. I went to Columbia College for a semester, Midlands tech for a few semesters and was still very unsettled. Fear is a powerful thing!! In January of 2009, while I was already enrolled in Midlands tech in cola, Tony was given the opportunity to relocate to the upstate for his job. I was very extablished and comfortable where I was. I was the Women's Ministry director in the church that I love dearly. My children were established in school and surrounded by the friends and family that were most important in their lives. I really did not want to move to any town with any simblance of Mayberry but God continued to tug at my heart. When I would sit and ponder leaving my very dear sweet friends that were more like family to me I would feel sooo sad and scared. But I still felt that tug. Would I let fear control me once again?
We decided that Tony taking this position would be the best decision for our family and we would begin the relocation process during the summer of 2009. Hahahahaa!! That's what we thought. We began to look at the Spartanburg area since my criteria for a town is: mall, hospital, paved roads, good schools, and city-like enviornment. We immediately found a house that was perfect but wouldn't last long. So.....we jumped and prayed God would catch us. AND HE DID!! This was all in His plan. Everyghing was coming together in a way no human could manipulate....just like my acceptance and scholarships to Converse College in 1995. We made the announcement at church on Sunday march 8th that we sould be moving during the summer and we never went back!! God moved us that week!!! We found a house, packed a house, and were living in Spartanbug Saturday march 14The!! My head was spinning!! I literally had NO time to let fear settle in!! Little did I know that Converse has a program for women over 24 that allows them to finish their degree at a top ranked school for half the price!!! I am now a Junior at the school of my dreams. I am surrounded by amazing friends! I have the best man in the world who supports me and takes care of me no matter how horrible I can be to him!! I have two beautiful, smart, precious children who are the BEST thing I have ever done!!! We attend a wonderful church where I am now about to be a leader in....you guessed it...Women's Ministries!!!! And did i mention that I am majoring in Special Education? Me? Never in a million years would I think I would choose this path. But the truth is, I didn't!! God gave me the biggest gift and miracle when he gave me Austin who only weighed 1 lb 10 oz at birth. Through this journey I have become very passionate about advocating for children who have different learning needs!!! God sure has brought me full circle and he is the God of second chances. I stand in awe at the mercies he's shown me and the path that he has created in my life. We are looking into private christian school for our children and Tony is about to lead a small group at church. This "transition season" we've been in for over a year is finally over and God is showing himself!! This is what's going on in our lives and I would LOVE to hear what God is doing in yours!!!!
We decided that Tony taking this position would be the best decision for our family and we would begin the relocation process during the summer of 2009. Hahahahaa!! That's what we thought. We began to look at the Spartanburg area since my criteria for a town is: mall, hospital, paved roads, good schools, and city-like enviornment. We immediately found a house that was perfect but wouldn't last long. So.....we jumped and prayed God would catch us. AND HE DID!! This was all in His plan. Everyghing was coming together in a way no human could manipulate....just like my acceptance and scholarships to Converse College in 1995. We made the announcement at church on Sunday march 8th that we sould be moving during the summer and we never went back!! God moved us that week!!! We found a house, packed a house, and were living in Spartanbug Saturday march 14The!! My head was spinning!! I literally had NO time to let fear settle in!! Little did I know that Converse has a program for women over 24 that allows them to finish their degree at a top ranked school for half the price!!! I am now a Junior at the school of my dreams. I am surrounded by amazing friends! I have the best man in the world who supports me and takes care of me no matter how horrible I can be to him!! I have two beautiful, smart, precious children who are the BEST thing I have ever done!!! We attend a wonderful church where I am now about to be a leader in....you guessed it...Women's Ministries!!!! And did i mention that I am majoring in Special Education? Me? Never in a million years would I think I would choose this path. But the truth is, I didn't!! God gave me the biggest gift and miracle when he gave me Austin who only weighed 1 lb 10 oz at birth. Through this journey I have become very passionate about advocating for children who have different learning needs!!! God sure has brought me full circle and he is the God of second chances. I stand in awe at the mercies he's shown me and the path that he has created in my life. We are looking into private christian school for our children and Tony is about to lead a small group at church. This "transition season" we've been in for over a year is finally over and God is showing himself!! This is what's going on in our lives and I would LOVE to hear what God is doing in yours!!!!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Soo,seriously. This is it?
This is it? Really? Out of all my aspirations in life and all the trials and tribulations I have overcome, my purpose in life comes down to cooking, cleaning, and being a slave? This was not what I signed up for!! Stop the bus, I wanna get off!! Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I have a great husband who provides for his family and two wonderful children. But somewhere in the midst of things I have lost "me." I have listened to all the negative things spoken over me and sometimes spoken negative things over myself. It just feels like I am continually having to "read minds" to know what is expected of me. I have finally come to the conclusion that EVERYTHING is expected of me. Let me just take a moment to name a few:
Full-time Mom which includes pregnancy, childbirth, raging hormones, loss of any sort of metabolism, night time feedings, diaper changes, constant supervision of children, keeping them alive and from killing each other, their homework, their boo boos, their attitudes, school projects that secretly are meant for parents, friendship drama, and defiance! Take them to school, pick them up from school... (I know I left out sooo much)
Full-time wife which includes telling your husband what he wants to hear even when it's not true, listening to the long stories about his day--each and everyday--even though they are the same, never talking about yourself and your feelings, putting him first, being ready and willing at a moments notice, making sure he is happy, clean, fed, and feels loved, and constantly competing with the "American" image of what a woman is and looks like which is soooo non realistic it makes me sick! Honeybun, I wasn't a toothpick when we got married and I don't know what you expect after two kids and the stress of life happens!!
Full-time Student - Attend a full course load of classes, do homework & college projects, many many hours of clinical field work in the elementary school, be successful and maintain a 3.5 GPA
Full-time cook - Cook what each family member wishes to eat at the moment they wish to eat it regardless of waste, what's actually in the pantry, or that it means several different meals at a time. Must cook specifically what they want or I will have a very difficult day of whining and complaining with statements such as your cooking sucks, or you never cook anything good. Keep in mind the things that suck are pot roast, roasted chicken with potatoes, homemade barbecue,...oh yeah, never allowed to cook out of a box!
Full-time maid - If it's my mess, clean it up. If it's not my mess, clean it up. If it's theirs, wash it, pick it up, fold it, sweep it, wipe it down, trip over it before picking it up, beg them to pick it up, try to make them somewhat of normal and civilized human beings that accept their own responsibilities in life (which so far isn't working at all) and do all of this all by myself because I am the "woman" or "mom" depending on who's speaking!
I could go on and on but I will not. I have discovered the problem with my life. I have not lived up to the expectations placed upon me. I might have had a chance if i was included in the expectation making or even given a little insight about what they may be before being thrown into the job. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. But I do not claim to be or never have claimed to be Superwoman!! I couldn't fit into that cute little leotard if my life depended on it!! I am perfectly happy just being me and I am just a little tired of constantly being told that who I am isn't good enough. So, obviously, I do not fulfill these expectations. It mentions no where in this blog that I actually do all of this stuff but that it is just expected of me. But my kids are happy and ALIVE, food is cooked for my family even though I don't have a job to purchase it, there aren't wild things growing out of my home from filth although it could use some spiffy-ing up!! And I am staying on task with my friendships as well as my school work and my kids are passing their grades, for the most part!! :) I want so much more out of life than what people expect from me. All of these things are great but I want to leave an impact on the world!! When I am dead and gone I pray that people don't sit back and say "her house was a mess" or "she was a fat, ugly, useless waste of space." I truly want to leave a real impact on the world I leave behind. So forgive me if I let your words and expectations just roll off my back, I'm just too busy being me.
Full-time Mom which includes pregnancy, childbirth, raging hormones, loss of any sort of metabolism, night time feedings, diaper changes, constant supervision of children, keeping them alive and from killing each other, their homework, their boo boos, their attitudes, school projects that secretly are meant for parents, friendship drama, and defiance! Take them to school, pick them up from school... (I know I left out sooo much)
Full-time wife which includes telling your husband what he wants to hear even when it's not true, listening to the long stories about his day--each and everyday--even though they are the same, never talking about yourself and your feelings, putting him first, being ready and willing at a moments notice, making sure he is happy, clean, fed, and feels loved, and constantly competing with the "American" image of what a woman is and looks like which is soooo non realistic it makes me sick! Honeybun, I wasn't a toothpick when we got married and I don't know what you expect after two kids and the stress of life happens!!
Full-time Student - Attend a full course load of classes, do homework & college projects, many many hours of clinical field work in the elementary school, be successful and maintain a 3.5 GPA
Full-time cook - Cook what each family member wishes to eat at the moment they wish to eat it regardless of waste, what's actually in the pantry, or that it means several different meals at a time. Must cook specifically what they want or I will have a very difficult day of whining and complaining with statements such as your cooking sucks, or you never cook anything good. Keep in mind the things that suck are pot roast, roasted chicken with potatoes, homemade barbecue,...oh yeah, never allowed to cook out of a box!
Full-time maid - If it's my mess, clean it up. If it's not my mess, clean it up. If it's theirs, wash it, pick it up, fold it, sweep it, wipe it down, trip over it before picking it up, beg them to pick it up, try to make them somewhat of normal and civilized human beings that accept their own responsibilities in life (which so far isn't working at all) and do all of this all by myself because I am the "woman" or "mom" depending on who's speaking!
I could go on and on but I will not. I have discovered the problem with my life. I have not lived up to the expectations placed upon me. I might have had a chance if i was included in the expectation making or even given a little insight about what they may be before being thrown into the job. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. But I do not claim to be or never have claimed to be Superwoman!! I couldn't fit into that cute little leotard if my life depended on it!! I am perfectly happy just being me and I am just a little tired of constantly being told that who I am isn't good enough. So, obviously, I do not fulfill these expectations. It mentions no where in this blog that I actually do all of this stuff but that it is just expected of me. But my kids are happy and ALIVE, food is cooked for my family even though I don't have a job to purchase it, there aren't wild things growing out of my home from filth although it could use some spiffy-ing up!! And I am staying on task with my friendships as well as my school work and my kids are passing their grades, for the most part!! :) I want so much more out of life than what people expect from me. All of these things are great but I want to leave an impact on the world!! When I am dead and gone I pray that people don't sit back and say "her house was a mess" or "she was a fat, ugly, useless waste of space." I truly want to leave a real impact on the world I leave behind. So forgive me if I let your words and expectations just roll off my back, I'm just too busy being me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
