Soo,seriously. This is it?

This is it? Really?  Out of all my aspirations in life and all the trials and tribulations I have overcome, my purpose in life comes down to cooking, cleaning, and being a slave?  This was not what I signed up for!!  Stop the bus, I wanna get off!!  Don't get me wrong, I love my life.  I have a great husband who provides for his family and two wonderful children.  But somewhere in the midst of things I have lost "me."  I have listened to all the negative things spoken over me and sometimes spoken negative things over myself.  It just feels like I am continually having to "read minds" to know what is expected of me.  I have finally come to the conclusion that EVERYTHING is expected of me.  Let me just take a moment to name a few:

Full-time Mom which includes pregnancy, childbirth, raging hormones, loss of any sort of metabolism, night time feedings, diaper changes, constant supervision of children, keeping them alive and from killing each other, their homework, their boo boos, their attitudes, school projects that secretly are meant for parents, friendship drama, and defiance! Take them to school, pick them up from school... (I know I left out sooo much)

Full-time wife which includes telling your husband what he wants to hear even when it's not true, listening to the long stories about his day--each and everyday--even though they are the same, never talking about yourself and your feelings, putting  him first, being ready and willing at a moments notice, making sure he is happy, clean, fed, and feels loved, and constantly competing with the  "American" image of what a woman is and looks like which is soooo non realistic it makes me sick!  Honeybun, I wasn't a toothpick when we got married and I don't know what you expect after two kids and the stress of life happens!!

Full-time Student - Attend a full course load of classes, do homework & college projects, many many hours of clinical field work in the elementary school, be successful and maintain a 3.5 GPA

Full-time cook - Cook what each family member wishes to eat at the moment they wish to eat it regardless of waste, what's actually in the pantry, or that it means several different meals at a time.  Must cook specifically what they want or I will have a very difficult day of whining and complaining with statements such as your cooking sucks, or you never cook anything good.  Keep in mind the things that suck are pot roast, roasted chicken with potatoes, homemade barbecue,...oh yeah, never allowed to cook out of a box!

Full-time maid - If it's my mess, clean it up.  If it's not my mess, clean it up.  If it's theirs, wash it, pick it up, fold it, sweep it, wipe it down, trip over it before picking it up, beg them to pick it up, try to make them somewhat of normal and civilized human beings that accept their own responsibilities in life (which so far isn't working at all) and do all of this all by myself because I am the "woman" or "mom" depending on who's speaking!

I could go on and on but I will not.  I have discovered the problem with my life.  I have not lived up to the expectations placed upon me.  I might have had a chance if i was included in the expectation making or even given a little insight about what they may be before being thrown into the job.  Don't get me wrong, I love my life. But I do not claim to be or never have claimed to be Superwoman!!  I couldn't fit into that cute little leotard if my life depended on it!!  I am perfectly happy just being me and I am just a little tired of constantly being told that who I am isn't good enough.  So, obviously, I do not fulfill these expectations.  It mentions no where in this blog that I actually do all of this stuff but that it is just expected of me.  But my kids are happy and ALIVE, food is cooked for my family even though I don't have a job to purchase it, there aren't wild things growing out of my home from filth although it could use some spiffy-ing up!!  And I am staying on task with my friendships as well as my school work and my kids are passing their grades, for the most part!!  :)  I want so much more out of life than what people expect from me.  All of these things are great but I want to leave an impact on the world!!  When I am dead and gone I pray that people don't sit back and say "her house was a mess" or "she was a fat, ugly, useless waste of space."  I truly want to leave a real impact on the world I leave behind.  So forgive me if I let your words and expectations just roll off my back, I'm just too busy being me.